Wednesday, February 6, 2008

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVE!! =)

today is the FIRST time im performing on stage to everyone in ACJC.
and because of this, im very excited about the performance today and i tell myself to play my best and play as loudly as possible.
we are the FIRST item for the concert and of course, we have to play well! (so that ACJC people feel 'high'!)

the rest of the students had contact time while we are busy setting up the chairs and bringing all the instruments to the stage. (thanks to MRC for helping us with the microphones!)
we practised once with the conductor during that period of time.
everything went well.
i was nervous, yet excited to be able to perform.
as said earlier, it was my FIRST time performing for ACJC and it was my FIRST time being the ONLY player for my instrument. also, i was the one sitting at the outermost side facing the audience.
i tell myself i must not screw up this performance.

however, things do not seem to go the way i wanted.

something which have never ever happened to me before.
something which any performer does not want.
something which will make you panic.
something which happened when the concert is going to begin.

the wood thingy which you will turn and adjust the pitch of the note fall off.
okay. i kept myself calm and said to myself, everything will be fine. i will be able to tune it back without snapping the string.
(for your information, it is hard to tune my instrument because it can snap anytime, especially its the FIRST string, which its in this case)
i still panicked though i kept reassuring myself.
because there was no time to waste. (the concert is going to start VERY VERY soon)
so, a pipa guy(bryan) helped me tune.
for some reason or another, it just suddenly snapped.
i was never so worried and panicky in my life.
i have to get another instrument fast.
i ran down the stage to the CO room, but its locked.
i have to run back to the stage and get the key.
so i ran back to the room and get another instrument.
well, it was not tuned.
my mind was telling me, no matter what, i just have to get on stage FIRST.
but when i was running back to the stage, the emcees announced "Let's put our hands together to welcome the ACJC CHINESE ORCHESTRA!"
i quickly get to my seat and the curtains opened.
many people were telling me "just fake through the whole performance"
i calmed myself down and seriously faked through the whole performance.
i tried to smile because its CNY.
it was really hard for me.
i tell myself i must act as if im playing.
that was really a long 10-15 mins.

after the performance, i cried.
im so disappointed with myself.
im so sad i didnt get to do my best.
i wonder why does that have to happen to me, especially at such a crucial period of time.
i blame myself for not bringing another instrument on stage as a spare one.
i blame myself why i didnt tune properly.
i blame myself why i didnt check if the wooden thingy was tight or not.

ms too, zihui and others were comforting me saying its not my fault that the string snapped.
no one wanted it to happen.
i did just what other musicians will do--fake through the whole performance. (thats the last resort)
but i still cannot just ignore it and let it go.
i cannot pretend nothing has happened.

i dont know why i cried.
maybe because there are many of my FIRST times with this performance.
i dont know if i will have a phobia the next time i perform on stage.
i cannot let this happen to me again.
i promise.

then i went back to be seated with my class and tried to enjoy the concert.
thanks ZIHUI! =)
but well, i tell myself to be happy because its NEW YEAR'S EVE.

concert ended at 1030.
CO had a LAO YUSHENG thingy.

after that, i went JP to meet APF and clarice. (pearl could not come as she was sick) GET WELL SOON! =)
as usual, they were DDR-ing.
went to yiping's house later to play cards.
very sleepy.
reached home at 530pm for reunion dinner.